I’m planning a post-pandemic marriage – where to start?
Caroline Moss is author and host of the “Gee Thanks, Just Bought It” podcast, which helps people find the products they need to make life easier, better and more productive. Now, with this column, “Ask a Friend,” she is helping people with the advice they need to make life easier, better and more productive. To submit a question, email us at [email protected]
I’m planning a big wedding after COVID (think late 2022 or even early 2023). My hope is to have a great dance party with lots of friends and family. I don’t want it to look like a wedding; I want this to look like a more fun version of a wedding. I just can’t figure out what I want it to look like.
Since it’s so far away (and rather unimaginable at the moment), I spend a lot of time looking for inspiration on Pinterest or on wedding websites, like Green Wedding Shoes. So I have a lot of ideas for decor, music and food, and maybe that’s too many ideas. What kind of advice would you give on a wedding day beyond the material? I’ve heard the whole line “take everything into account” before … something different from that.
Married 2022 (or 2023)
When I got engaged, I was inundated with a lot of unsolicited advice.
“Spend a lot of money on the flowers because it will make your photos look amazing,” someone said. “Don’t spend money on flowers – nobody cares and they die,” someone else whispered. “Don’t have your wedding in June; everyone does that. “I don’t have a winter wedding, what if it snows?” “I don’t have an open bar because I once went to a wedding where everyone was so drunk people were throwing up on the bride.” (OK, so I’m exaggerating the latter, but trust me, not by much).
What you’ll learn shortly after posting your big news Instagram pic is that everyone has a nightmare story, an uplifting tale, something that worked for them and their marriage you need to do, etc. a headache and it will make you want to run away and never come back.
Best advice I can give you? Don’t ask anyone for advice. If I could turn back time I would tell you 20 minutes before you email me to stop emailing me. If people give you advice without asking you, spend some time in front of the mirror perfecting your “Oh great idea!” face and smile and nod. Let it go in one ear and the other. (Plus, 2023 isn’t that far away. I know it’s like that, but it really isn’t, and you’ll see what I mean as it gets closer!).
But you insist, I’ll tell you this suggestion that worked for me: stay with your partner all evening. A friend of mine told me to do it and I thought, well, who else would I be with? The answer is … everyone. You know everyone and people will want to talk to you, pull you all over the place, grab you a minute to give a kiss and a hug, wanting to introduce you to their significant other that you haven’t met yet but have. graciously invited to be your friend’s most at your wedding. And finally, your new spouse will have to do the same with their second cousins, their grandparents, their college roommate, etc. You will be separated. And depending on the size of your marriage, it can be difficult to find each other. I loved my wedding and had a great time. I also remember thinking more than once: where has Dan gone? Where is he? And he remembers the same. My friend was right: stick together and make a plan to do it. The night goes by so quickly, it will be blurry. Make sure you’re together and you won’t regret it.
Everything else? You do you. I’m serious!
Have a question for Caroline? Write to us at [email protected]